Posts Tagged ‘Truth’

A clean leaf

A new start

A second chance

A familiar heart

 

I’ve caused hurt

I’ve done wrong

I’ll try my best

To turn around

 

I’ll share my time

I’ll hold you tight

Keep you close

‘Cause this feels right

 

Cheers to love

And happy endings

There’s always hope

In new beginnings

 

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#Funfact: I start off these post with the title as just “Entry DDMMYY- ” and then I add on the last part of it with last line of the post.

Good day,

So this morning I edited my last post because I got in trouble. Oh wait! Not trouble with the content but rather with my errors. My friend always complains that I write and there are grammatical errors in the posts. I know this to be true.

#SidenoteI was just thinking to myself that maybe I could type this up in Word and do a word check after but then I looked up in this very window and I see there is this button there called “Proofread Writing”. LOL LOL. Whoops! Well I’ll definitely use that now.

That sidenote… as it just happened… literally made my whole explanation void. That being said… the only thing left to say… I clearly was just lazy.

 

I actually wanted to post a poem yesterday. Well to be more accurate… write, and then post one yesterday. So guess what? Today is going to be a #DoublePost.

 

Today we are going to talk about me. This is going to be fun.

#Sidenote: We often say that talking to ourselves is a sign that we may be going mad or already there. LOL But here’s a joke… when I write these posts… I’m legit sitting here talking to myself and having a full-blown conversation. And guess what? I love it. I’m good company! Great company!

Who Am I? If only we could get paid for every time we think this or someone asks us who we are… we’d all be RICH! lol

When I ask myself that question though… it’s far more than asking about my character. I want to know the value of said character. I ask it to determine MY value. What is my worth? How much is my time worth? How much is my love worth?

My time is nothing compared to eternity and my love is imperfect and nothing close to what God offers us.

So what is my worth?

Well… you are worth what ever you believe you are worth! It’s literally that simple.

I know that I am a son of The King. And I know that knowing and believing that makes me special and priceless.

By extension… every thing that I do, every moment that I have, every thing that I say, every word that I write… they are ALL PRICELESS. All because I believe it to be so. Who can tell me differently? If you can tell me differently… good for you! Doesn’t change what I believe.

So…

What do you believe?

What are you worth?

 

I started this new year at -30… degrees celsius. What a way to start eh? The great thing is… ‘it’s only up from here’… I hope lol.

Well this isn’t a ‘new year, new me, new page, new chapter post’. It’s more a ‘I haven’t posted in ages and what better day to restart than on the 1st post’.

What I will do is take a look back and comment on something that totally shook me… and continues to puzzle me.

Racism! Why is this still a thing? Like really? Are we still clueless to the fact that people are different? Why would you cross the road to avoid passing me on the street because my skin has more melanin in it than yours? Why would you choose to stand on a bus when there is an available seat on either side of me because I look different?  Are we still so ignorant? Really?

What really upsets me… is that… this behavior is NOT something we are born with. IT IS TAUGHT! Parents are the reason why kids grow up like this. Most of those parents are not even sure why they themselves behave that way… it’s just what their parents taught them. And the sad thing is… the cycle will continue with people not even thinking about why they are doing what they are doing but just doing it. Just yesterday, I sat on a bus and saw a young girl (probably about 10yo) sit in the seat next to me… with no care in the world… because it was a seat. Then her dad sees me and says to her “hey dear, let’s go sit in the back”. Ironic actually… I’m black and they are white… and he chose to go to the back of the bus.

I was just going to move on to something else but I just remembered something very funny on that same bus ride. This young boy (probably about 12yo)… he is also white and he comes in the bus and walks to the seat next to me…. and this boy has already committed to sitting down and is already on his descent down…. and looks up and sees me and moments before he touches the seat… he spins around and walks to the back of the bus. LOL! Like that was the funniest thing EVER! Truth is… normally when we commit to something even if we are interrupted mid action… it’s almost impossible to change the action until said action is completed. Sitting is one of those actions that once you have committed to and already on your way down… is extremely difficult to stop lol you would have to sit and then get up lol. But he managed to get it done.

The up-side to this… is that I feel special and I can feel comfortable sitting on the bus. But the reality is, it does bother me that people can still be so ignorant.

To be fair though… it is NOT everyone. People do sit next to me. What I find though… those are the young adults who are at the stage in their lives that they evaluate things for themselves and challenge the ideas and views they parents have taught them that may not quite add up for them… or they were fortunate to have not grown up in a family that does not accept differences.

The good thing too is that at the university level… persons are allowed to mix in an environment that lends itself to intellectual reasoning. A lot of interracial relationships come out of university. And that is great. It’s just a shame that so many start off with that influence from their ignorant parents. And when I say ‘ignorant’, I am not saying that they are stupid. I am saying that they are lacking knowledge and awareness.

Well anyways… I think I’ve said enough for now. I just wish persons would accept each other’s differences. It is okay to be difference but it’s not okay or cool to be ignorant. Not knowing in this age where information is so readily accessible is definitely NOT cool. Think! Try to understand! What these people do… is silly… but guess what? It hurts.

Thank God that I know my worth. I am happy and proud to be who I am. I am not ashamed to be different!

I am black.

20180101_032757-01

WOW!

Coming on to the end of my 2nd year at school here in Jamaica and just when I thought this year couldn’t throw any more curve balls. Imagine that I only have about 2 weeks left here before I go home…. then out of no where… in comes a fast, twisting ball. LOL. Why did I just laugh? sigh. I guess it’s either I laugh or cry. You know that feeling when things happen and you are there watching as they unfold and you are thinking to yourself that this can’t be the case? LOL That’s me right now lol.

It’s like a movie.

Ever wished you could turn back the hands of time? hmmm. That would be welcomed right about now. 2 years later and I can only manage to hurt the only person I love. Never got it right then. I am not as stupid as I know I am. I know what I just said. But I am not. I know I messed up and hurt her a lot. She deserves much better. Maybe she will be better off without me. I don’t think so…. but at least she wouldn’t have to put up with me. I bring too much hurt and pain. I make decisions and I live with the consequences. I’ll have to understand that and live with these ones.

But that hit me just now but that’s not why I starting writing this post. On my hall of about 800 students… only 3 of us are in my department, a guy and a girl and I. The girl told me today that we aren’t even friends cause we haven’t hung out or anything that she considers that friends do. Even though that we walk to and from class together and talk. *shrug*.

Well this morning after hanging last week Wednesday and a couple times since then… we apparently are now friends today May 7th, 2017. LOOOL. It’s quite hilarious too. Turns out she’s a lot different that what I thought she was. She’s crazy. CRAZY! lol lol So she was right…. we really weren’t friends cause I knew nothing about her and vice versa. But hey… we friends now… I mentioned this cause we have known each other for 2 years and been in the same classes for the same period and living on the same hall and we knew very little.

Well the year is soon over…. soon time to fly back home. I was. I am. I was. I’m not sure… I AM looking forward to going back home. This year has been extremely eventful.

I need a break. We all need a break.

WOW!

*exhales*

It’ll all be worth it in the end. right?

Back to studying for me… maybe tomorrow will be brighter… if it isn’t… it’ll be one day closer to that trip to the airport by the grace of God.

 

night.

I have a problem.

My problem is that I speak too much.

Always having the desire to add something to something said, the need to give input, the urge to give advice.

To what end? Why do I always want to speak? Can I not just see a situation or something happening and just leave it?

Years ago I saw a quote… “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

It was since seeing this quote that I told myself that if I can influence a positive change I will not just sit back and say nothing. I knew that doing this will definitely NOT make me popular but it will have a positive impact somehow.

What I found over the last 2 years while at school, is that having something to say too often, means that persons will eventually get tired of hearing you.

So I find myself in a dilemma, where I have information that will benefit others but persons are now no longer listening because it is coming from me.

It has gotten to the point where persons undermine what I do and say, so now I’m just here forced to sit back and observe. That’s pretty much all I can do now. I still care about the things I speak out about, however, because of those around me, I’m beginning to wonder if it is all worth it.

I jokingly tell my friends that I’m just miserable and maybe I am. But I miserable because persons don’t listen not because the information is worthless but because it’s coming from me.

Can’t persons take the information and ignore the sender? It got to a point that I had to use persons to deliver my messages so as to have the information acknowledged. No one has to know it came from me. I really could not care less. The thing about it all is that I’m accused of being “petty”, what ever that means because they have been using it far out of context, and apparently I’ve been all in my feelings. Sorry for being human and feeling hurt; forgot men shouldn’t hurt. *rolls eyes* Seriously though, I should shut up. *chuckle* What would make me shut up? I mean, all of this should make me not want to say anything ever again… but then I remember the quote.

Then my friends tell me I should not let this consume me and I should choose my battles wisely. I do agree. But maybe this is a battle I want to fight. To what end though? I’m out of here in one year, God willing.

A part of me wants the things I’ve been trying to say to avoid stuff from happen to just happen… maybe I would get some satisfaction. But then again… to what end? As miserable as I am, I still care. I care about people that I know don’t care about me. I can’t bring myself to hate anyone even when persons are deliberately being disgusting to me for no reason. Which I find is silly still. *whispers* Because the same people who are being disgusting are just kids and they hide and do it.

I am about 7 years older than every here, hence I’ve experienced maybe a bit more, however I can guarantee that I have never experienced something like this. I was wronged and betrayed, I stepped back because I would rather not with the unnecessary confrontations and any drama then to have it all back fired on me by the same person who betrayed me in the beginning. The irony. I am to blame still. I sat by and allowed it all to play out the way it did. In retrospect, maybe I would have done it differently, but hey.

This year has been one eventful year. I must say. Well well well. I would never have guessed it.

I am here laying in bed about to sleep and as I was reflecting, my need to chat is what drove me to write this. All, as I realized alot of what happened was influenced heavily by my need to chat, to speak, to have a say.

Well here’s my final say… things will always happen and some times not like we will expect but that quote is still very much true…. I’ll continue speaking… my voice won’t be muted… I’ll just find another medium.

My problem isn’t that I just chat too much… my problem is actually that I chat too much and no body hears… so now I’m going to chat that everyone HAS TO LISTEN.

Back in July 2013, I hiked to the top of the volcano, La Soufrière, in St. Vincent standing at just 1,234 m.

Then in October 2015 & again in the same month in 2016, I hiked 2,256 m to the peak of the Blue Mountains in Jamaica.

These heights are both still quite small compared to that of Mount Everest, 8,848 m, which is the highest peak on earth. So here are a few questions. What does this have to do with anything? Who cares how high I’ve hiked? What difference does it make if I’ve hiked to the top of a 500 m hill or a mountain standing a whopping 7,000 m?

Well the answers to those questions are quite simple. This has everything to do with my life. I am the one who should care. It does not make a difference if the peak was 500 m or 7,000 m, as long as I made it through to the top.

La Soufrière and Blue Mountain were both physical feats for me. Small for some and mammoth for others. Regardless of what they mean for others I’ll share with you what it was for me.

In life we will face many obstacles and our own forms of mountains and they will all seem to come in our way preventing us from reaching our destination. But does a mountain really stop us from reaching or does it challenge us to do more than we had planned/expected? Mountains force us to go forward and to go up while maneuvering a rough terrain.

I believe our mountains are there to teach us lessons we need to learn for the journey ahead. I heard a really interesting twist on mountains the other day when watching a video on Youtube (can’t remember the video). The person in the video said that mountains will never be smooth because no one can climb a smooth mountain. I thought about it and it is true. If mountains were not rough, where would I place my foot to step up? Nowhere. I thought back to the times I hiked and there were parts of the trail that were smooth and sloping and I had to depend on the rough areas to get a grip to pass those parts.

The irony. While climbing my mountain and I come to smooth parts on my way up, I had to look for and depend on the rough parts to pass safely through. That made it clear for me to see that the rough parts are indeed important and needed to make it through. If we aren’t challenged to grow or to trust the process, will we make it through to the end?

Each time I hiked it was a new lesson for me. The first time in St. Vincent; it got colder as I went up and some parts seemed scary but I knew it would have been worth it to make it to the top and through it all I prayed and trusted the Lord to take me to the top safely, and He did. Blue Mountain took a lot more out of me to make it. The first time was the worse of the two, as I didn’t know how far till I reached the cabins, and then I didn’t know how far till I reached the peak. Not knowing, reminded me that in life as we get in a situation, we may not know how we’ll get through, how long it will take to make it, or what it would be like at the end. Trust that the hike up Blue Mountain was indeed a physical challenge; but one in which I made it through by the grace of God and trust in Him.

The real eye opener for me was the second time I hiked Blue Mountain in 2016. It was by far easier; it still ached my body after, but it was less stressful mentally. Why was it easier the 2nd time around? Was it that I had to walk a shorter distance or that the mountain somehow got shorter? Nope. None of those. It was because after making it through the first time, I kind of knew what to expect. I knew some of the answers to the questions I wondered about while hiking the first time. Now I had knowledge I didn’t have the first time. The first trip shaped me up for the 2nd.

So in life, when you are faced of a mountain of your own, trust God and depend on Him. Remember that it would be rough but He allows that for our safety, and for us to make it through how He wants us to. He never promised the road would be easy, but He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. Once you make it through, when you have to face a similar mountain, just recall that He was willing and able to take you through it before. And trust and believe He is still there to do the same again.

As we start any journey and we come to an obstacle, in this case a mountain, and we see the peak all the way up there, remember that the road will be rough but once you hold onto God you will make it to that peak. It is only at that point that you can look and see the beauty all around and where you have come from. You get a small taste seeing the beginning and the end. And that is just one obstacle. God can see the beginning and the end for us all. The 2nd time up Blue Mountain, I trusted in God to take me there safely. I was also able to trust the little knowledge I had of the journey from the first trip.

So here’s a couple questions for you… How much more can you trust the one who has all knowledge of every journey for all time? Will you trust the process and trust the one with the plan and the road map?

My mountains led me to a better understanding of my journey and life.

My mountains led me to trust in God a little more.

My God knows what’s best for me.

My mountains led me closer to Him.

I am thankful for my mountains.

 

BRB as I go hiking again. What will this mountain teach me?

The Way In

Posted: October 29, 2014 in Poems
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I am trying to find my way.
I am looking for a way out.

Ever lasting life.
Ever wondered the way there?
Ever thought about it?
God did.
He thought about it for us.
He made a way for us.
He sent His son for us.
His son, our friend, our brother,
Christ Jesus.
Jesus declares “I am the way,
the truth, and the life”
What a truth.
He is the source of all life.
So follow Him.
Christ will lead the way.
The way in is simple.
Let ourselves out.
Out with selfishness.
Out with hatred.
Out with greed.
Out with pride.
Out with us,
And
Let Him in.
Emptying ourselves will leave room to be filled.
Jesus declares
“Bless are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness,
For they shall be filled.”
Fill us O God.
Fill us with Your love.
Fill us with You.