Posts Tagged ‘School’

WOW!

Coming on to the end of my 2nd year at school here in Jamaica and just when I thought this year couldn’t throw any more curve balls. Imagine that I only have about 2 weeks left here before I go home…. then out of no where… in comes a fast, twisting ball. LOL. Why did I just laugh? sigh. I guess it’s either I laugh or cry. You know that feeling when things happen and you are there watching as they unfold and you are thinking to yourself that this can’t be the case? LOL That’s me right now lol.

It’s like a movie.

Ever wished you could turn back the hands of time? hmmm. That would be welcomed right about now. 2 years later and I can only manage to hurt the only person I love. Never got it right then. I am not as stupid as I know I am. I know what I just said. But I am not. I know I messed up and hurt her a lot. She deserves much better. Maybe she will be better off without me. I don’t think so…. but at least she wouldn’t have to put up with me. I bring too much hurt and pain. I make decisions and I live with the consequences. I’ll have to understand that and live with these ones.

But that hit me just now but that’s not why I starting writing this post. On my hall of about 800 students… only 3 of us are in my department, a guy and a girl and I. The girl told me today that we aren’t even friends cause we haven’t hung out or anything that she considers that friends do. Even though that we walk to and from class together and talk. *shrug*.

Well this morning after hanging last week Wednesday and a couple times since then… we apparently are now friends today May 7th, 2017. LOOOL. It’s quite hilarious too. Turns out she’s a lot different that what I thought she was. She’s crazy. CRAZY! lol lol So she was right…. we really weren’t friends cause I knew nothing about her and vice versa. But hey… we friends now… I mentioned this cause we have known each other for 2 years and been in the same classes for the same period and living on the same hall and we knew very little.

Well the year is soon over…. soon time to fly back home. I was. I am. I was. I’m not sure… I AM looking forward to going back home. This year has been extremely eventful.

I need a break. We all need a break.

WOW!

*exhales*

It’ll all be worth it in the end. right?

Back to studying for me… maybe tomorrow will be brighter… if it isn’t… it’ll be one day closer to that trip to the airport by the grace of God.

 

night.

I have a problem.

My problem is that I speak too much.

Always having the desire to add something to something said, the need to give input, the urge to give advice.

To what end? Why do I always want to speak? Can I not just see a situation or something happening and just leave it?

Years ago I saw a quote… “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

It was since seeing this quote that I told myself that if I can influence a positive change I will not just sit back and say nothing. I knew that doing this will definitely NOT make me popular but it will have a positive impact somehow.

What I found over the last 2 years while at school, is that having something to say too often, means that persons will eventually get tired of hearing you.

So I find myself in a dilemma, where I have information that will benefit others but persons are now no longer listening because it is coming from me.

It has gotten to the point where persons undermine what I do and say, so now I’m just here forced to sit back and observe. That’s pretty much all I can do now. I still care about the things I speak out about, however, because of those around me, I’m beginning to wonder if it is all worth it.

I jokingly tell my friends that I’m just miserable and maybe I am. But I miserable because persons don’t listen not because the information is worthless but because it’s coming from me.

Can’t persons take the information and ignore the sender? It got to a point that I had to use persons to deliver my messages so as to have the information acknowledged. No one has to know it came from me. I really could not care less. The thing about it all is that I’m accused of being “petty”, what ever that means because they have been using it far out of context, and apparently I’ve been all in my feelings. Sorry for being human and feeling hurt; forgot men shouldn’t hurt. *rolls eyes* Seriously though, I should shut up. *chuckle* What would make me shut up? I mean, all of this should make me not want to say anything ever again… but then I remember the quote.

Then my friends tell me I should not let this consume me and I should choose my battles wisely. I do agree. But maybe this is a battle I want to fight. To what end though? I’m out of here in one year, God willing.

A part of me wants the things I’ve been trying to say to avoid stuff from happen to just happen… maybe I would get some satisfaction. But then again… to what end? As miserable as I am, I still care. I care about people that I know don’t care about me. I can’t bring myself to hate anyone even when persons are deliberately being disgusting to me for no reason. Which I find is silly still. *whispers* Because the same people who are being disgusting are just kids and they hide and do it.

I am about 7 years older than every here, hence I’ve experienced maybe a bit more, however I can guarantee that I have never experienced something like this. I was wronged and betrayed, I stepped back because I would rather not with the unnecessary confrontations and any drama then to have it all back fired on me by the same person who betrayed me in the beginning. The irony. I am to blame still. I sat by and allowed it all to play out the way it did. In retrospect, maybe I would have done it differently, but hey.

This year has been one eventful year. I must say. Well well well. I would never have guessed it.

I am here laying in bed about to sleep and as I was reflecting, my need to chat is what drove me to write this. All, as I realized alot of what happened was influenced heavily by my need to chat, to speak, to have a say.

Well here’s my final say… things will always happen and some times not like we will expect but that quote is still very much true…. I’ll continue speaking… my voice won’t be muted… I’ll just find another medium.

My problem isn’t that I just chat too much… my problem is actually that I chat too much and no body hears… so now I’m going to chat that everyone HAS TO LISTEN.

That statement… “I can’t wait till summer”, can we all relate? Does this statement mean the same to everyone?

It only occurred to me this evening that the concept of ‘summer’, that ‘summer’ that you look forward to is only possible because of school.

For adults, summer is merely a season; that time of year when it’s hot and the days are longest. However, that isn’t what young people refer to when they say “I can’t wait till summer.” Sure for them they enjoy the long days and warmer/nicer weather. However, for students, summer is much more. Summer is freedom from ‘that dreaded place’, school. Summer is fun because school is a drag. Summer is everything exciting because school is everything but. Summer is the best part of the year for many. Summer is all that and more. That’s what summer is for students.

Funny enough, a lot of those students who love ‘summer’ so much and look forward to it every year, are the ones who hate school. They complain about school every chance they get. Can anyone define irony for me? Because the very thing they hate, is the only reason the they have what they love.

Here’s it in a nut shell, without ‘school’, the concept of ‘summer’ does not exist.

After one leaves school, that statement you hear, “I can’t wait till summer” means nothing. That statement becomes a memory.

Teachers get to enjoy ‘summer’ but technically they’re still at ‘school’, so they don’t count.

When I hear everyone talk about ‘summer’, I just sit and think to myself that I remember what ‘summer’ was.

It’s no longer the same for me. What I look forward to now, are those 20 days I get a year.

So all you students, have fun at school and enjoy it because when you leave ‘that dreaded place’, you leave much more behind. You say goodbye to both ‘school’ as well as ‘summer’.