Posts Tagged ‘Life’


I came here with all intentions to write. All intentions to vent. All intentions to rant. Now I’m here… And I’m trying to process how I feel… the only thing that is coming out is *sigh*.

Sigh is able to express so much in such a simple gesture. It embodies what I feel now. How you make me feel. How you made me feel. How everything makes me feel.


I’m realized that I’m quite afraid of my thoughts because when I start going… it doesn’t stop and the things my thoughts think up will make me think me and worry. I will create scenarios and outcomes from the most likely to the less possible. The ones that will destroy me to the ones that I wish would be. The ones I know is the case but I don’t want to accept to the ones I couldn’t even imagine wishing for.


Where did you come from? Where did it come from? Where does love come from? 


Everyone is looking. They all love what they see. Can’t you see they are looking at You? Open your eyes. Go and spread your wings and fly. Don’t let me be a cage. Fly free.


Why am I still Sighing?



I just wrote that title and realized that that is part of a song lol.

But yes. I was walking the other day and saw this tree and saw what appeared to be a heart hidden in the hues of the tree. So of course I took a photo. But it made me wonder. Where can one find love? Where is the love? 

I have realized that love is every where. You can find it when you aren’t looking. Many people search and search… but yet they can’t find it. Maybe they are just not looking. If you look too hard… you may very well just miss what you looking for. But at the same time… maybe they don’t know what love actually looks like. We all have our own view of what love is… so maybe what we were taught to be love or shown to be love… really isn’t love. Hmmmmm.

When our eyes are open… guess what… it just pops out at us. 

Many things open our eyes. One minute we have no clue… then blam!

Well enough from me for now.

Entry- May 19th, 2017

Posted: May 19, 2017 in Journal, Life Stories
Tags: ,

Hey again.

Well I kept procrastinating therefore I didn’t get back to writing for a few days. Well now I’m stuck here in this line… waiting… so nothing to do but think… and it just hit me… I have time to write too.

Where to start? Soooo much has happened since my last post. *scratches head* when was my last post? *goes to check*… aha! May 7th. 

Well as it turns out… I’ve been through quite a bit of emotions recently. The thought of going home. The thought of leaving. The thought of you. The thought of me. Just a lot of thinking. 

Have you ever felt like a crayon? Like the brightest colour or rather your favourite colour? Where you get to colour the world how you want. Well I have felt like that! But while feeling this way… and feeling awesome that you would use me to colour your world…. then it hit me! I am just one crayon in the box. That thought knocked me out to imagine that not only I can be made to feel this special. Womp. 

Well that thought soon passed. It is funny how all we need is a little time. Time is such an amazing thing. We get older. We learn stuff. We live a little more. I’m getting older and the experiences here in Jamaica aren’t even done yet and it’s days before I leave. 

I like when I write. I realize when I read over, after posting, that I pretty much just rambled lol. 

When you think of a sponge patty… what do you think of? Hmm… I think of something soft, yummy, meaty. Does that even make sense? It should make sense to you. 

Well I’m hungry… I wanna travel this summer… I’m seriously considering hopping over to my neighbour for a visit as I’ll definitely love to see you. But who knows. I’m not sure yet lol lol always just need an excuse to travel. But I don’t want to be shot. If I go there I’ll have to be the deputy cause maybe he won’t shoot me then lol. Look I tried to make a funny.

Well later now.


Coming on to the end of my 2nd year at school here in Jamaica and just when I thought this year couldn’t throw any more curve balls. Imagine that I only have about 2 weeks left here before I go home…. then out of no where… in comes a fast, twisting ball. LOL. Why did I just laugh? sigh. I guess it’s either I laugh or cry. You know that feeling when things happen and you are there watching as they unfold and you are thinking to yourself that this can’t be the case? LOL That’s me right now lol.

It’s like a movie.

Ever wished you could turn back the hands of time? hmmm. That would be welcomed right about now. 2 years later and I can only manage to hurt the only person I love. Never got it right then. I am not as stupid as I know I am. I know what I just said. But I am not. I know I messed up and hurt her a lot. She deserves much better. Maybe she will be better off without me. I don’t think so…. but at least she wouldn’t have to put up with me. I bring too much hurt and pain. I make decisions and I live with the consequences. I’ll have to understand that and live with these ones.

But that hit me just now but that’s not why I starting writing this post. On my hall of about 800 students… only 3 of us are in my department, a guy and a girl and I. The girl told me today that we aren’t even friends cause we haven’t hung out or anything that she considers that friends do. Even though that we walk to and from class together and talk. *shrug*.

Well this morning after hanging last week Wednesday and a couple times since then… we apparently are now friends today May 7th, 2017. LOOOL. It’s quite hilarious too. Turns out she’s a lot different that what I thought she was. She’s crazy. CRAZY! lol lol So she was right…. we really weren’t friends cause I knew nothing about her and vice versa. But hey… we friends now… I mentioned this cause we have known each other for 2 years and been in the same classes for the same period and living on the same hall and we knew very little.

Well the year is soon over…. soon time to fly back home. I was. I am. I was. I’m not sure… I AM looking forward to going back home. This year has been extremely eventful.

I need a break. We all need a break.



It’ll all be worth it in the end. right?

Back to studying for me… maybe tomorrow will be brighter… if it isn’t… it’ll be one day closer to that trip to the airport by the grace of God.



No One Here

Posted: May 2, 2017 in Life Stories, Poems
Tags: , , , , , ,
No one here respects my time
Until they need me to be early
They'd rather just waste it
It's not that important, clearly

No one here respects my talent
Until they need some favour
They'd rather find someone else
Then check me in the last hour

No one here respects my opinion
Until something I said happens
They'd rather just ignore me
Because I chat far too often

No one here cares enough
Until everything falls to pieces
They'd rather avoid the problems
And hope the issue ceases

No one here...
No... you have to care.
One... person is all it takes.
Here... is your chance to make your stand.

Some... one... here.

I have a problem.

My problem is that I speak too much.

Always having the desire to add something to something said, the need to give input, the urge to give advice.

To what end? Why do I always want to speak? Can I not just see a situation or something happening and just leave it?

Years ago I saw a quote… “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

It was since seeing this quote that I told myself that if I can influence a positive change I will not just sit back and say nothing. I knew that doing this will definitely NOT make me popular but it will have a positive impact somehow.

What I found over the last 2 years while at school, is that having something to say too often, means that persons will eventually get tired of hearing you.

So I find myself in a dilemma, where I have information that will benefit others but persons are now no longer listening because it is coming from me.

It has gotten to the point where persons undermine what I do and say, so now I’m just here forced to sit back and observe. That’s pretty much all I can do now. I still care about the things I speak out about, however, because of those around me, I’m beginning to wonder if it is all worth it.

I jokingly tell my friends that I’m just miserable and maybe I am. But I miserable because persons don’t listen not because the information is worthless but because it’s coming from me.

Can’t persons take the information and ignore the sender? It got to a point that I had to use persons to deliver my messages so as to have the information acknowledged. No one has to know it came from me. I really could not care less. The thing about it all is that I’m accused of being “petty”, what ever that means because they have been using it far out of context, and apparently I’ve been all in my feelings. Sorry for being human and feeling hurt; forgot men shouldn’t hurt. *rolls eyes* Seriously though, I should shut up. *chuckle* What would make me shut up? I mean, all of this should make me not want to say anything ever again… but then I remember the quote.

Then my friends tell me I should not let this consume me and I should choose my battles wisely. I do agree. But maybe this is a battle I want to fight. To what end though? I’m out of here in one year, God willing.

A part of me wants the things I’ve been trying to say to avoid stuff from happen to just happen… maybe I would get some satisfaction. But then again… to what end? As miserable as I am, I still care. I care about people that I know don’t care about me. I can’t bring myself to hate anyone even when persons are deliberately being disgusting to me for no reason. Which I find is silly still. *whispers* Because the same people who are being disgusting are just kids and they hide and do it.

I am about 7 years older than every here, hence I’ve experienced maybe a bit more, however I can guarantee that I have never experienced something like this. I was wronged and betrayed, I stepped back because I would rather not with the unnecessary confrontations and any drama then to have it all back fired on me by the same person who betrayed me in the beginning. The irony. I am to blame still. I sat by and allowed it all to play out the way it did. In retrospect, maybe I would have done it differently, but hey.

This year has been one eventful year. I must say. Well well well. I would never have guessed it.

I am here laying in bed about to sleep and as I was reflecting, my need to chat is what drove me to write this. All, as I realized alot of what happened was influenced heavily by my need to chat, to speak, to have a say.

Well here’s my final say… things will always happen and some times not like we will expect but that quote is still very much true…. I’ll continue speaking… my voice won’t be muted… I’ll just find another medium.

My problem isn’t that I just chat too much… my problem is actually that I chat too much and no body hears… so now I’m going to chat that everyone HAS TO LISTEN.

Back in July 2013, I hiked to the top of the volcano, La Soufrière, in St. Vincent standing at just 1,234 m.

Then in October 2015 & again in the same month in 2016, I hiked 2,256 m to the peak of the Blue Mountains in Jamaica.

These heights are both still quite small compared to that of Mount Everest, 8,848 m, which is the highest peak on earth. So here are a few questions. What does this have to do with anything? Who cares how high I’ve hiked? What difference does it make if I’ve hiked to the top of a 500 m hill or a mountain standing a whopping 7,000 m?

Well the answers to those questions are quite simple. This has everything to do with my life. I am the one who should care. It does not make a difference if the peak was 500 m or 7,000 m, as long as I made it through to the top.

La Soufrière and Blue Mountain were both physical feats for me. Small for some and mammoth for others. Regardless of what they mean for others I’ll share with you what it was for me.

In life we will face many obstacles and our own forms of mountains and they will all seem to come in our way preventing us from reaching our destination. But does a mountain really stop us from reaching or does it challenge us to do more than we had planned/expected? Mountains force us to go forward and to go up while maneuvering a rough terrain.

I believe our mountains are there to teach us lessons we need to learn for the journey ahead. I heard a really interesting twist on mountains the other day when watching a video on Youtube (can’t remember the video). The person in the video said that mountains will never be smooth because no one can climb a smooth mountain. I thought about it and it is true. If mountains were not rough, where would I place my foot to step up? Nowhere. I thought back to the times I hiked and there were parts of the trail that were smooth and sloping and I had to depend on the rough areas to get a grip to pass those parts.

The irony. While climbing my mountain and I come to smooth parts on my way up, I had to look for and depend on the rough parts to pass safely through. That made it clear for me to see that the rough parts are indeed important and needed to make it through. If we aren’t challenged to grow or to trust the process, will we make it through to the end?

Each time I hiked it was a new lesson for me. The first time in St. Vincent; it got colder as I went up and some parts seemed scary but I knew it would have been worth it to make it to the top and through it all I prayed and trusted the Lord to take me to the top safely, and He did. Blue Mountain took a lot more out of me to make it. The first time was the worse of the two, as I didn’t know how far till I reached the cabins, and then I didn’t know how far till I reached the peak. Not knowing, reminded me that in life as we get in a situation, we may not know how we’ll get through, how long it will take to make it, or what it would be like at the end. Trust that the hike up Blue Mountain was indeed a physical challenge; but one in which I made it through by the grace of God and trust in Him.

The real eye opener for me was the second time I hiked Blue Mountain in 2016. It was by far easier; it still ached my body after, but it was less stressful mentally. Why was it easier the 2nd time around? Was it that I had to walk a shorter distance or that the mountain somehow got shorter? Nope. None of those. It was because after making it through the first time, I kind of knew what to expect. I knew some of the answers to the questions I wondered about while hiking the first time. Now I had knowledge I didn’t have the first time. The first trip shaped me up for the 2nd.

So in life, when you are faced of a mountain of your own, trust God and depend on Him. Remember that it would be rough but He allows that for our safety, and for us to make it through how He wants us to. He never promised the road would be easy, but He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. Once you make it through, when you have to face a similar mountain, just recall that He was willing and able to take you through it before. And trust and believe He is still there to do the same again.

As we start any journey and we come to an obstacle, in this case a mountain, and we see the peak all the way up there, remember that the road will be rough but once you hold onto God you will make it to that peak. It is only at that point that you can look and see the beauty all around and where you have come from. You get a small taste seeing the beginning and the end. And that is just one obstacle. God can see the beginning and the end for us all. The 2nd time up Blue Mountain, I trusted in God to take me there safely. I was also able to trust the little knowledge I had of the journey from the first trip.

So here’s a couple questions for you… How much more can you trust the one who has all knowledge of every journey for all time? Will you trust the process and trust the one with the plan and the road map?

My mountains led me to a better understanding of my journey and life.

My mountains led me to trust in God a little more.

My God knows what’s best for me.

My mountains led me closer to Him.

I am thankful for my mountains.


BRB as I go hiking again. What will this mountain teach me?