Hey…

So I haven’t posted anything for a while now. I don’t want to take credit for that but I will. Procrastination ain’t ever cute eh. 

So what’s new? Wellllllll…. I did alot of thinking yesterday and I have a business idea. Like no joke. I have to put it in writing and give it a deadline… if not it’ll just be a dream. I dream enough at night and I’m not getting any younger. So I have to go after these things now that I am still here and able. I can’t share the idea with you guys now… for obvious reasons lol lol. But stay tuned.

Recently I’ve been thinking about family and kids a lot. Not sure why. But I ready to have my family… a beautiful wife and about 3 kids. I love kids and they are so amazing. I used to think that the world is in such a state and it doesn’t make sense bringing kids into it… But hey…. if God will have it for me to have a family and kids… He’ll give me all that I need to provide and ensure they get all they require and equip me to be able to protect them. Not physically but ye. Well not necessarily physical.

I’m a photographer and I’ll be soooooo sorry for those kids…. kids are the best subjects to shoot. Babies are amazing and they don’t have a clue what’s happening lol lol… Well at least I don’t think they know lol. I love kids. I really do. 

And my wife to be… somewhere out there… I know you will be beautiful and amazing. You’ll have to put up with me and the camera too. I’m sorry. And we have some traveling to do.

I’d love to do a Eurotrip for my 30th or for my honeymoon… although I could do a Caribbean or Canadian honeymoon. Who knows. 

I have a lot of amazing people in my life that some times I think that they are far better to me than I could ever be to them. I’m going to be better. Not for you but for me… and therefore being better for everyone. Hope that makes sense.

Well anyways… I just rambled there… lunch is over so that’s enough from me for now.

Likle mo. 
PS. That’s just a random photo lol lol I’d love to be at the beach now.

Entry: May 31st, 2017

Posted: June 1, 2017 in Journal, Life Stories

9:13pm 

*jolt*

*screechhhhhhhhh*

One person somewhere behind me starts clapping and then everyone joins in. I was just about to too. Then it hit me… “Amen”.

Well I haven’t been up to use the restroom the entire time. I think I may have to go now. But can’t move yet. 

Well I got in trouble, rightly so I might add. When she tells me what she has to, I know it’s for my own gone and she wants the best for me. She wants me to be the best I can be. That is understood. And yes she doesn’t want me to make any bad decisions.

June 1st: 2:45pm

So I’m here on the couch watching tv and I know there are some stuff I have to deal with but I keep finding everything and nothing to do. When will I learn? Well hopefully I’ll get to it before the night is through. 

Outside is chilly. First time I’ve experienced cold breezes during ‘summer’. This will be nice. 

I’m going to come back to this later. I’m supposed to be stepping out.
Brb.

Sigh.

I came here with all intentions to write. All intentions to vent. All intentions to rant. Now I’m here… And I’m trying to process how I feel… the only thing that is coming out is *sigh*.

Sigh is able to express so much in such a simple gesture. It embodies what I feel now. How you make me feel. How you made me feel. How everything makes me feel.

Sigh

I’m realized that I’m quite afraid of my thoughts because when I start going… it doesn’t stop and the things my thoughts think up will make me think me and worry. I will create scenarios and outcomes from the most likely to the less possible. The ones that will destroy me to the ones that I wish would be. The ones I know is the case but I don’t want to accept to the ones I couldn’t even imagine wishing for.

Sigh.

Where did you come from? Where did it come from? Where does love come from? 

Sigh.

Everyone is looking. They all love what they see. Can’t you see they are looking at You? Open your eyes. Go and spread your wings and fly. Don’t let me be a cage. Fly free.

Sigh.

Why am I still Sighing?

Sigh.

 

You no longer say anything

Or rather any thing of sense

You just talk and talk and talk

Maybe it’s about time you stop talking,

Put down the phone and get to walking.

1st step is easy.

Just shut up!

No longer accepting calls

No longer need my fill of you

I’ve had enough

I’m full

You’re full too

But you are full of nothing

And full of you

Get out of yourself

I’m sure you are sick of you too.

I’m sick of you

So sick of you.

Please shut up.

Just hang up!

Hang up the phone I said

Hang up the lies you tell

Hang up the masks you wear

Hang up the pain from hell

Swallow your pride

Keep it down.

Keep the phone on the hook.

No longer seek my dial tone.

Don’t do it again.

Forget my number.

Forget me.

So for the last time,

Please just leave.

Hang UP!

I just wrote that title and realized that that is part of a song lol.

But yes. I was walking the other day and saw this tree and saw what appeared to be a heart hidden in the hues of the tree. So of course I took a photo. But it made me wonder. Where can one find love? Where is the love? 

I have realized that love is every where. You can find it when you aren’t looking. Many people search and search… but yet they can’t find it. Maybe they are just not looking. If you look too hard… you may very well just miss what you looking for. But at the same time… maybe they don’t know what love actually looks like. We all have our own view of what love is… so maybe what we were taught to be love or shown to be love… really isn’t love. Hmmmmm.

When our eyes are open… guess what… it just pops out at us. 

Many things open our eyes. One minute we have no clue… then blam!

Well enough from me for now.

Entry- May 19th, 2017

Posted: May 19, 2017 in Journal, Life Stories
Tags: ,

Hey again.

Well I kept procrastinating therefore I didn’t get back to writing for a few days. Well now I’m stuck here in this line… waiting… so nothing to do but think… and it just hit me… I have time to write too.

Where to start? Soooo much has happened since my last post. *scratches head* when was my last post? *goes to check*… aha! May 7th. 

Well as it turns out… I’ve been through quite a bit of emotions recently. The thought of going home. The thought of leaving. The thought of you. The thought of me. Just a lot of thinking. 

Have you ever felt like a crayon? Like the brightest colour or rather your favourite colour? Where you get to colour the world how you want. Well I have felt like that! But while feeling this way… and feeling awesome that you would use me to colour your world…. then it hit me! I am just one crayon in the box. That thought knocked me out to imagine that not only I can be made to feel this special. Womp. 

Well that thought soon passed. It is funny how all we need is a little time. Time is such an amazing thing. We get older. We learn stuff. We live a little more. I’m getting older and the experiences here in Jamaica aren’t even done yet and it’s days before I leave. 

I like when I write. I realize when I read over, after posting, that I pretty much just rambled lol. 

When you think of a sponge patty… what do you think of? Hmm… I think of something soft, yummy, meaty. Does that even make sense? It should make sense to you. 

Well I’m hungry… I wanna travel this summer… I’m seriously considering hopping over to my neighbour for a visit as I’ll definitely love to see you. But who knows. I’m not sure yet lol lol always just need an excuse to travel. But I don’t want to be shot. If I go there I’ll have to be the deputy cause maybe he won’t shoot me then lol. Look I tried to make a funny.

Well later now.

WOW!

Coming on to the end of my 2nd year at school here in Jamaica and just when I thought this year couldn’t throw any more curve balls. Imagine that I only have about 2 weeks left here before I go home…. then out of no where… in comes a fast, twisting ball. LOL. Why did I just laugh? sigh. I guess it’s either I laugh or cry. You know that feeling when things happen and you are there watching as they unfold and you are thinking to yourself that this can’t be the case? LOL That’s me right now lol.

It’s like a movie.

Ever wished you could turn back the hands of time? hmmm. That would be welcomed right about now. 2 years later and I can only manage to hurt the only person I love. Never got it right then. I am not as stupid as I know I am. I know what I just said. But I am not. I know I messed up and hurt her a lot. She deserves much better. Maybe she will be better off without me. I don’t think so…. but at least she wouldn’t have to put up with me. I bring too much hurt and pain. I make decisions and I live with the consequences. I’ll have to understand that and live with these ones.

But that hit me just now but that’s not why I starting writing this post. On my hall of about 800 students… only 3 of us are in my department, a guy and a girl and I. The girl told me today that we aren’t even friends cause we haven’t hung out or anything that she considers that friends do. Even though that we walk to and from class together and talk. *shrug*.

Well this morning after hanging last week Wednesday and a couple times since then… we apparently are now friends today May 7th, 2017. LOOOL. It’s quite hilarious too. Turns out she’s a lot different that what I thought she was. She’s crazy. CRAZY! lol lol So she was right…. we really weren’t friends cause I knew nothing about her and vice versa. But hey… we friends now… I mentioned this cause we have known each other for 2 years and been in the same classes for the same period and living on the same hall and we knew very little.

Well the year is soon over…. soon time to fly back home. I was. I am. I was. I’m not sure… I AM looking forward to going back home. This year has been extremely eventful.

I need a break. We all need a break.

WOW!

*exhales*

It’ll all be worth it in the end. right?

Back to studying for me… maybe tomorrow will be brighter… if it isn’t… it’ll be one day closer to that trip to the airport by the grace of God.

 

night.